In the past week, I have been very sensitive on how I talk, respond and even comment when asked a question. I have felt so sensitive about myself. Although I am not perfect, I think most of the time I feel pretty comfortable with me and the way I am.
In the past year, I have had to learn my "new" job responsabilities and duties. For the prior years before, I was at the top of my game and knew my stuff. Although in the past year I have made trememdous progress, I feel that I am so far behind. I have so much more to learn and feels like I am not catching up.
I have asked others to tell me what I need to do to perform better or what else can I do to "improve"? What do I need to change to be good at...? It all sounds great but when it is addressed and I am told I am not doing something right or this is the way it needs to be done or you need to keep working on that... or whatever it is, I take it to heart. Eventhough, I am trying to be grown up about it, it hurts my feelings. I have busted my tail to do my best and someone else tells me that my best is not good enough or I have to change what I consider my best and it really ticks me off. Why? These "people" are trying to help me. I have asked them to tell me what is wrong? and I still get mad or upset when they tell me. Why?????
Sometimes I feel I'm the only one working towards the goal when in reality I know there is more than me working. Are there things that you do that agravate people and they dont tell you and they don't "correct" you or tell you what your are doing is wrong or incorrect? Why dont we if it bothers us? Why can we discuss it like adults and figure out how we can improve or change it so it is beneficial.
Sorry random thoughts today but it has been bothering me a lot this week. What is really bothering me that I do not have the answer, Is it my ego? Why is the criticism so difficult to take when really it should helpful to make you improve.
I dont know the answers but God will grant them to me. Maybe I need to talk to HIM. :)
